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Living with Bulimia

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hello again live journal [21 Nov 2011|03:04am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I'm 18, I haven't been on livejournal in a long time but recently have been feeling the need to talk to other people with the same problem as me. I have been bulimic for 5 years now, with a brief stop when I was 15 for 3 months and 4 months when I was 17. I graduated highschool this June and with the pressure of looking good I felt the need to just start throwing up once or twice a week would be okay, only when I let myself eat way too much. I promised my boyfriend that I would not throw up anymore and that was why I had stopped, but I ended up telling him again after I graduated and he begged me to stop.. I didn't. We live together now and he makes me really happy, but lately I just have been feeling so down and .. just not good enough. Almost makes me laugh to know that this disease will never leave, ever. Even when you think you are done, it just comes right back. Its just eating away at me so much and each night that I lay down to sleep I have to take sleeping pills because all i can think about is everything that I ate that day and how gross I feel. I should have better control! Anyways, tomorrow I`m going to start a strict work out and really restrict my food intake. I just really needed to post this, just to let someone (even people that I don`t know) know about my problem. It gets real lonely, especially in a new city with no family and barely any friends.

- nothing tastes better than thin*

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More friends, more ED support at new community: 'luv_is_beauty' [11 Feb 2011|12:42pm]

[ mood | determined ]

Hey friends!

Just wanted to tell you about, luv_is_beauty,' a new support community for those with/who have recovered from eating disorders! The more friends and support the better, right?! Since luv_is_beauty is so brand spankin' new, its focus is extremely flexible and open to input! Help shape a new support community!! Come check out the profile for luv_is_beauty see if our community is for you!

See you there!

PS. I have nothing but respect for bulimics and do not discriminate against anyone's opinions on eating or weight-loss. If you read luv_is_beauty 's profile and find that it is not for you, I completely understand. I am not here to offend, or push ideas on anyone; I am simply suggesting you check out a new community to add to your supports on lj!


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I'm new to this [10 Jun 2011|05:29pm]
I'm seventeen and I've been bulimic off and on for 3 years. Lately it's gotten really bad again. I only eat once a day(alone) till I feel like i have to throw up. I really needed to tell someone that and this seemed like a good place.
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blahh [12 Oct 2010|07:44pm]
[ mood | worried ]

My name is Shannon. I am turning 21 very shortly. I am 5'9 and 140 pounds. I go to the gym almost 4 to 5 times a week.

I have been diagnosed as a bulimic this year, I have just started therapy again and I really doubt that it is going to help me. I have been suffering with this for about two years now. I have always been conscious about my weight and there were very few times in my life were I have felt comfortable in my own skin.

I hate having bulimia. I hate that I think about food and what it is going to do to my body. I hate that I count calories and I hate that I can't enjoy eating socially with my family and friends. I wish that I could take a magic pill that would erase all of these negatives feelings about my body. I am so absolutely terrified about how my brain functions sometimes. Its like there are two Shannons. One the normal Shannon and the other bulimic Shannon. I am completely aware when that side of me is taking over but I can't stop it. I just have to step aside and let it do what it wants.

I hate watching overweight people happy. I know that sounds crazy but its true I can't stand it. I think if they are happy and comfortable like that why can't I be happy and comfortable like this. I have some friends that know I have an eating disorder and they make it seem like I find their bodies disgusting because they are heavier than me. Its not like that at all for me. I would trade anything to feel comfortable and happy. This eating disorder is haunting me. I am scared its going to get so out of hand that I won't be able to maintain any type of relationship with anyone.

Anyways I could go on forever but I think I will stop here....

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[10 Feb 2010|03:34pm]
hello, hello. i'm fresh meat around here (obvi) under a ~new journal name~ because i am a paranoid loser who thinks people are actually interested in her secret eating disorders. well, anyways. let me stop babbling and introduce myself.

my name is sam, i'm nineteen-going-on-twenty, i live in new jersey, and i have bulimia. it started about two years ago, you see, but it didn't really pick up until some time in early october. i've been very overweight almost my whole life, yadda yadda, sob story about being teased for being a fat bitch, etc etc, teenage girls are meeeean!, the end. i'm not looking for a shoulder to cry on (i'll keep my eyes peeled for a new friend or two :b), but rather with some help.

i've been regularly binging/purging for a few months now, and at first it went very well; in fact, i managed to drop like, jesus christ idk, a lot of fucking weight. like, at least forty pounds. yay! good, right? WRONG. for the record, i'm now stuck at about 170/175lbs. stacked on a 5'6'' frame, so hopefully you can see why i'm still not...finished. i guess that's the right word i want to use. i'm not finished liquidating the contents of my stomach a handful of times a day because i know i can be skinny. i have a goal, actually: 130, 135lbs. max. so, yeah. basically, what i'm trying to say is that i've hit a wall. no matter how much purging i do, or how much i starve myself or whatever, i can't get over this hump. so i need help! does anyone have any fast-acting tips or helpful little gems of encouragement?

man, i'm gonna be annoyed if this is comm is too dead to help me. ):
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Exam [01 Feb 2010|06:37pm]
[ mood | worried ]

ok I no this is of topic but I can't sleep I am just so worried that I will fail my math exam tommoro :(

Wish me luck girls

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MIA [01 Feb 2010|11:14am]
[ mood | blah ]

hey girls,

Well I am new here so I guss I will start off by telling you about my self.
My name is kate I am 16.
today was not my best I binges on so much stuff but because I was at work I did not have anougth timeto purge it all out so I am not to happy with my self. But I will be better tommor my new goal is to try and fast tell supper then eat supper but purge out the food, tommoro I will start this and see how it gose:) well its getting late and I have to get up early tomoro to get some more studying in before exames.

Xox love ya all be strong


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-waves- [03 Jan 2010|10:21pm]

Hey, beautiful ladies and gents.

I'm elle. 20 years of age. I've been bulimic since I was 13. So seven years I guess.

I transitioned from bulimia to anorexia between the ages of 15 to 17, and ended up in hospital.

The hospiatl didn't focus on the reasons behind the starving, behind the binging and purging, just on feeding me back up to a healthy weight. Since then I have continued to binge and purge. I view it as an addiction. I can't stop.

When I eat, I feel this urge to purge. It's so strong that I shake, and vomit rises to the back of my throat, until I am unable not to throw up.

Some times I go out purposely and buy ridiculous amounts of food, which I'll eat in one sitting until I am physically in pain. It feels like I'm crushing all my flaws and insecurities down into my stomach. Then I purge, and I feel as though I get rid of them all. I feel free.

Five minutes later it all comes back of course. But the exhilaration have had me murderously hooked since I was 13. So I have no chance against it now.

Love to you all.

Elle xx
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[30 Dec 2009|04:27pm]



im new here and thought i better introduce myself

I have had an eating disorder for about 2-3 years on and off but lately it has developed into bulimia.  I weight 122lbs and want to lose more weight.  My boyfriend pressures me and he tries to help but it doesn't really help so i thought i'd try joining this community to talk to people who have this in common and i hope to help you guys too.  Look forward to posting and talking.




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[05 Dec 2009|03:28pm]
Does anyone even like commment or anything on here?
3 comments|post comment

[04 Dec 2009|10:12pm]

I smoke pot, and get the munchies. Anyone with me?

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[04 Dec 2009|09:51pm]
Hello, I'm new.
I'm from the United States. I'm 19 years old. And I kept my eating disorder a secret for 3 years now.
My mother has addressed me a lot, but I don't live with her anymore so there's no more of that.

I'm want to be apart of this group because well, I feel alone.
I'm excited to be talking and meeting you guys in here. I need support.

I currently weigh 165lbs. I've been as high as 190lbs. I've been as low as 109lbs. I would like to get back to that. I moved in with my boyfriend, and I got confortable and lazy with this, but it's now in full effect again.

I hate myself right now. how did I let myself get so huge?
I'm here and I'm gonna work hard doing this.
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[22 Oct 2009|09:01am]

so... i really want to share this with someone but i dont know who else would appreciate it but you guys - i've always appreciated the humor of this group.

i haven't posted on here for a couple years actually... but this is the story:
25-year old 12-year bulimic mixed with 2-year alcoholic, bulimia has gotten way out of control since i got out of a one-week stint at a loonybin 2 weeks ago, over-the-weekend mental breakdown (this involved first physical fight with my sister since we were kids) whilst staying at parents' house, this is only the beginning, and here is the punchline:
this morning, what made me smile, laugh, and feel blissful disbelief?

i stepped on the scale and saw that i've lost at least 6 lbs. like, i actually was looking at that scale, that mirror, and f-ing beaming.
if you have some space wish me luck ok?

i've been a member of this community for more years than i'm willing to admit. i love you ladies, and gents. and i wish you all the best.
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[23 May 2009|06:56pm]

i've got an eating disorder. im still fat though
like 130 pounds and im 5"11
i've been b +ping
but recently i cant throw up? its like the gag reflex wont let me throw my food up?!
any on know any other way that i can make myself throw up?
2 comments|post comment

[06 Apr 2009|11:26pm]
[ mood | blah ]

today was not fun...ive been B/P for almost 7 years now and im a [very] frequent laxative user.
this morning was hell. my stomach killed and i felt like i was gonna throw up for an hour...believe me i tried but didnt work.
anyway i didnt eat at all today cause i didnt wanna take laxatives again tonight.
at this point i LOVE to throw up but i always pair that with lax's no matter how well i purge...so im wondering what if any laxitives do you use/what do you love hate about how they work?...plus

weightwise how much/little do you fluctuate cause mine is outta control.

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[17 Jan 2009|07:11pm]
i am going on my third binge of the day.
sixth in the past two days.

it seems like i will be doing fine until i come down to my moms.
she pisses me off and all i want to do is binge so that i can throw up and feel better about myself.
1 comment|post comment

[26 Nov 2008|03:12pm]

This is the first time I post to this group I really need support and more friends that know what its like to live with an eating disorder.

The friends I have now are basically disowning me because of my behaviors, which sucks because I have had the behaviors longer then I have been friends with them.

Only people that have eating disorders know how addicting and how accomplished they make you feel about yourself.
3 comments|post comment

New. [16 Nov 2008|05:54am]

 Hi everyone!
I had a livejournal years ago but am happy to be back, determined to find support on my path to recovery, and help others struggling with the same diseases/addictions/traumas. I will post tonight on my page a summary of my first step so those of you who want to can get to know me a little better. Thank you all for being here and looking forward to sharing my experiences, struggles, strengths, and hopes.
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Friends only. [08 Dec 2007|10:47pm]

Ok, so from now on if anyone wants to read my journal, they have to be my friends... Feel free to add me if interested.
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New here. [20 Aug 2007|06:35pm]

So here is something about me:

height: 5"4 and a half / 164cm
HW: 165lbs / 75kg
CW: 154lbs :( / 70kg :(
LW: 132lbs / 60kg
GW1: 121lbs / 55kg
GW2: 99lbs / 45kg if 121lbs / 55kg doesn´t look good enough.
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